Having a kid.

Having a kid.

Since getting Audi pregnant, I have heard enough advice to last me at least 3 kids (that’s why we are hoping for triplets! No, not at all.). I am not complaining about the advice, but I am a little inundated with it. The thing I hear over and over more than anything else is, “your life will never be the same”. This is usually followed by some type of small giggle or look that says “oh, he has no idea what is about to hit him”.

And I ask myself the question, “do I want a kid?” Now, I know that question is probably offensive to read for some. And some may say it is selfish to ask. I am not asking of whether or not to keep him, but I am asking how am I actually doing with my life about to change. You see, I live in legit fear of my world shrinking. I have seen many parents idolize their children and – on the side - somewhat care about Jesus and what He is doing in the world. It seems that many of them care more about their kids than they do about knowing God, and I believe that is a great sin … and I believe it so lastingly damaging to their kids. No kid should be taught that they are the center of the universe.

Is that what ‘your life will never be the same’ means? Does it mean, that I have a new focus … a focus that will make my concern for Jesus and His mission smaller? Yes, I am scared of that. I am scared that I will idolize my child and place my own identity in how he is doing/living/looks.

Then I think about holding my boy. I think about what it will be like to lead a life in a way a dad is called to lead his son. I think about the awesome and scary responsibilities of providing, protecting, defending, developing and nurturing a life into the world. I think about coaching a soccer team or eating a lot of Chucky Cheese, taking him to his first baseball game, and reading to him some Dr Seuss. I think about trying to understand science homework to give him some confidence. I think about learning to enjoy what he enjoys. Maybe football. Maybe drama. Maybe reading. Maybe Sponge Bob (please NO!).

And … my heart finds itself swelling. Because I do. I want to be a dad. I love that little sucker even though I have only met him through ultrasounds and solid kicks. I am anxious and overwhelmed at the thought of cherishing and praying for and with him. I am scared at the reality that I will pass on my flaws and hurt him with my weakness and failures as a man. But, yes I want to be his father.

I sincerely hope that my life ‘will never be the same’. I hope that I am less selfish. I hope that I can learn what sacrifice is all about. I hope I can face my fears, own my immaturities and weaknesses and provide for my family in all the ways that they need. I hope I can to apologize better.

But, most of all, I hope that I trust a lot more. Not less. I hope that I realize that I need Jesus more. Not less. I hope that this drives me more to know Him in the midst of not knowing how to do this. Not less. I hope that my view on Jesus and His mission will expand. Not shrink.

And for that, I need Him very much. I need Him because I can’t follow Him well on my own, and I sure as heck can’t be a good dad without Him.

MACs ... really? An honest question from the other side.

I am a PC user … and I poke fun at the MAC Cult. I tease the ridiculous price of a new MAC computer, tease the unnecessary IPAD, complain about the difficult print options on the IMAC in our office, and I laugh at the ridiculous price of the MACbook and its aluminum chasis (who says “chasis” anyway?!).
And yet, I confess that I often wonder if I am the one missing out.
I know that somehow Steve Jobs has made computers sexy and that the image of the company is something attractive to everyone. Can someone HONESTLY tell me … is the price only worth it for the image? Or is it really that much better of a machine?

We just finished our family mission statement! it took us forever and many "discussions" over words. it also reminds me how grateful i am for both Jesus and the bride He gave me. Here she is.

Willey Family Mission

Our mission is to give our complete loyalty to God and His mission for the world,

by offering Him

the intimacy of our hearts and habits

and the holistic obedience of our

inward and outward lives.

We inwardly commit

to establish a home of safety, communion and worship

by cherishing and enjoying one another in mind, body and heart,

discipling our family through the unique leading of the Spirit,

and setting patterns of stewardship with our time and resources.

We outwardly commit to make disciples of Jesus Christ

as we serve the local church,

mobilize the Church to love the world,

and lead our family in mission to our local community.

We do this through giving our time and talents,

pursuing individual hearts and needs,

and authentically opening our lives and home.

Why Philly is the best worst city in America

After living in Chicago for 9 years, some branches have been pruned off the further I have grown from my east coast roots. Calling soda ‘pop’ does not bother me anymore. The fact that people are clueless and even insulting towards WaWa is wearing off. The ignorance surrounding thin crust pizza, hoagies and Philly pretzels still is staggering at times, but at least not surprising anymore.

But I find, I cannot get Philly out of my blood. I have realized that Philly is a disorganized, dirty, conjested, smog-filled city and that the east coast tolerates its lack of class because they have Newark and Camden to help them feel better. I live now on the outskirts of a city whose landscape, attractions, parks, cleanliness and architecture make my previous urban sprawl look like a 3^rd world city

And yet … somehow I feel proud writing even her errors. Because even though Chicago may have world class, they will never have Philly personality. They will know us for the liberty bell or the art museum … which few of us even care about. But, they will never boo at Santa Claus. While they make speak in sarcasm, it will never be their mother tongue. They will settle for fake cheesesteaks, which would make William Penn himself vomit in his grave. They will never have serious suspicion based on the tallest (almost) building downtown. They wont know what it means to see Brian Dawkins lead the fight song. They may love Rocky, but never really understand why he is a legitimate art form and should be displayed by the museum. They may see Bill Cosby as funny, but will never know what he truly represents to the people in the city.

Ah Chicago… I will still cheer for the Cubs (because I am mad at Philadelphia to suddenly switching to the Phillies). I will eat your pizza and admit your landscape is better and love your people. I will become a good Chicago suburbanite and will complain about Rod and enjoy Chipotle and drink from the Starbucks on every corner.

But, I cant give up Philly, no matter how proud I am for recognizing the buildings in the new Batman movies.

the robe

I wrote this a long time ago. Shame is and has - as long as I can remember - been a very real part of my life. As I remember, this was in the midst of the shame that I wrote this. Special shout out to many of you that have in my life reminded a proud spiritually perfectionistic dude about the reality of grace. I put it on facebook a while back, so some of you may have already read it.


Grace. I see grace as a beautiful robe I have been given. A robe of pure white, pure warmth, pure wonder. I am given this gift and feel as if I will ever enjoy its purity and comfort. Each time I receive it – which is often – I think that Surely, I will honor the grace given me. Never will I go to the places I have been before, for fear of blemishing my priceless prize. I am full with gratitude and my heart beams with pride in the grace I have received. I am Forgiven and given … this is true pleasure. Yet, as I take that robe around, I find that I gradually start to mistreat it once again. I start to get lazy with what I consume, and it isn’t long before careless stains and marks show up on my garment. Then, once dirty, I get less cautious because I am discouraged. I feel the shame of my careless ingratitude. Yet, the shame doesn’t call me to greater care. I have already messed it up and it is so hard to keep clean. Whats the point? I start to go to the places that I have gone before, and my robe begins to drag, rub and splash through the mire of where I love and hate to go all at the same time. I hate the filth of compromise, but I feel like it is impossible to avoid. Something in me tells me that it is who I am, and that I am a fake to ever have something clean, pure and beautiful.

About this time, I awake and see the mess. I really see. I look at the stains, the spills, the tears and the poor patch jobs I have tried to do. I sit their in my dirty robe. Sure, I know what I could do. I could go explain myself, ask forgiveness and be given a brilliant new robe again. It is not very difficult for me to admit my failure, my carelessness, lethargy and subsequent mess. I can explain the dirt on the old one. It is just hard for me to accept the new. Why? Why would I be given a new white perfect robe again? I have a closet full of different robes I have abused in my passion for self. The marks are different. The tears are in different places and have accumulated by different means … but the result is also near the same.

As I stand in the line to receive the new brilliance of grace that can only baffle at its breadth, depth, length and height … I remember my closets of failures. But, my heart is lifted from that for a few moments. In this epiphany … With all my heart, I wish my life would stay in the perspective that I now see. I close my eyes to see this new thought clearer. I close my eyes as if to say that this is all I want to see ever again. I am enlightened again, the story is not about the closet full of painful failures. The story is about the gift. The story is that in spite a mess, Jesus gives me the clean. My closet is so full, but I have heard of others that even have a few more. Others less. Yet, as I stand in line, no one questions the gaurentee of the robe. Why? Is this some Mary Poppins never ending always replentishing freebie mart? I would never consider it something so cheap! Why? Because we all have something in common more than our failures and dirty robes. We all know the gift Giver. We all realize that all our failure is not near as strong as His grace. We all begin to see that His wonder is what this story is about. It is not about the abuse we put on His robes. It is about the grace of robes that He puts on us.
So, I once again gain my perfect robe. And I realize that this story is not about me. This gift is not about me. It is about the one who painfully made it for me through the drops of his blood and the heaving of his breast, the streaks on His back and the holes in His hands. That’s how He made them. And, somehow He still delights to give them out.

Now, the story that started in the discouragement and failure of self yet again ends in the freedom and success of Christ. I leave so full and grateful. I also leave knowing that I will soon forget. I will try with help to keep myself honoring the gift I have been given. Yet, at the same time I know that my abuse will not eradicate His grace.
I know I will come again …

That 20s Group - take 2

Thank you for your comments on the last post. They very much helped me as I am mulling over the milieu of this whole issue. My brain has been churning very much on culture/role of church questions. Poor Audi has had to listen to much of my questions/thoughts/rants.

While I am still in the midst of the conversation very much, here are some conclusions I have come towards.

1. I believe that the local church is God’s intended change agent in every generation. I believe Bible says it. I believe history affirms it. To abandon the organism (thanks Lisa for your post on this!) would be similar to getting rid of doctors and hospitals if many were getting sick, or to remove teachers and schools when tests scores are down.

2. I DO think we should emulate the trend of the boomers in our upcoming generation.

This conclusion surprised me. Yet, I have come to believe that God used the baby boomers as much as any generation in American history to continue His Name and cause. I have done some more research into the baby boomers and it is amazing how far God has moved the church through their generation. Bible reading is higher than it has ever been. Evangelical statistics on life, discipline and holiness are improving in a myriad of ways. 90 years ago the American church was at danger of becoming something of the past. The many truths we hold strong to now were threatened. Few held on. Then more. Then, with the boomers, it appears that God really established – anew – His church in America.

Also - with caveat - I believe many baby boomers have sought to understand and serve their culture in the way they do church. I believe this is the way that Paul helped the world and that Jesus Himself entered the world. It was in the idioms, vernacular, communication style and culture of the people. My generation needs to learn and apply this very much.

3. I DO NOT think we should emulate the trend of the boomers in upcoming generation.

While I think the boomers have done so much good upholding truth and engaging culture, I think they have created such a strong “church culture” which deifies tradition over truth (at times). Have you noticed that we call many things “biblical” which are not?

For example.
Smoking cigarettes is sin. Gun control is stupid. Caring for our environment is unimportant. Capitalism is God’s form of government. Perpetuating consumerism in the church is fine. Drinking alcohol is for less committed Christians. Taking care of the poor is not that important. Style of music is more important than content of music in worship. The bigger the church, the more it honors God.

I think that the reason many in the 20s-30s group are disenfranchised is because we have seen the baby boomers do/say/dogmatize these and other things. Something that I am really pondering is “how to avoid the mistakes I already see, feel, rationalize that are characteristic of my generation in the church?”. I believe among these are pride, entitlement, hybrid hypocriticalness, reactionism and criticalness.

4. I think change is necessary.
I dont know exactly what that means. But, as our generation and the generation of youth is coming up, I believe the church will be called to change. Now, that does not mean I believe that we have to throw out truth, Bible, etc. I do believe it will mean throwing off some of the tradition of the generations before us. I know many have thoughts and I do as well which I prolly will toss out there soon, but this entry is long and would rather here others talk now.

us 20 somethings: 'that group'

Audi and I talked with some friends over Thanksgiving break. We tossed around pleasantries and eventually started talking about church. They were - like us - in their 20s and we together contemplated our generation, life stage and passions. We are "that group". The group that is the most unchurched for dozens of reasons. It seems that most of current Christian leaders are talking about "that group" discussing how to understand us, our needs and frustrations. Bill Hybels says that the local church is the hope for the world. In fact, for the baby boomers, the church has been an incredibly powerful organism. Yet, us up-and-comings simply haven't been interested. Luce says that 4% of upcoming generation will live for Christ. Barna talks about how the church will no longer be the agent of change for the Gospel in years to come.

I have a passion for the local church. Yet, so many have been disenfranchised. So many love Jesus but hate church. Why? So many want Christ but want very little to do with Christians. What happened?

So, Bill, us to? Or has the church become a machine of our parents and a function of fundamentalism? Has it become a relic of religiousity? My friends and I are asking. We live with a desire to live in relationship and to make a difference ... but what about the disconnect we have seen? Why so many leaving the church?
I believe that God has assigned the church the duty of being the agent of change in the world. But, how? ... how?

Do we bite the bullet, call our questions and frustrations arrogance and go the way of our parents?

or ... ?